I sat down tonight, hair wet from the shower I had time to have, after playing with my baby all evening. I realised that it’s been a month exactly since I posted, and it’s probably taken that long to start feeling like me again. The person I was before medicine deconstructed me. The dust is finally settling, and here I am, nearly 8 years on from starting medical schools, with all exams finally, finally behind me. I can be who I want and learn what I want when I want. In the past few weeks I baked a birthday cake for my one year old, I sewed a ton of quilt blocks for a quilt for her, I hung out with friends, drunk champagne, read books, did a yoga course – all things normal people do. I still go to work and see terrible things from time to time, but it’s different now. I get to have hobbies again.
And at work I’m clearheaded than I’ve ever been. I see the problems, I investigate the problems, and I have plans for the problems. I’m not perfect but that loud voice of self-doubt has evaporated and been replaced with a ‘you passed the Royal Australian College of Physicians exams!” voice whenever self doubt appears. I will say this about education – once you’ve got it, no one can take it from you. No matter what happens in life, it will always be yours, no matter what you choose to learn.
My blog is probably going to get less personal and more fun from hereon, but I’m so looking forward to the little things.